Metal detectors
And so with the going away looming imminent on the horizon I'm looking for a metal detector. Days off searching ghost towns for abandoned caches of Platinum and gold, lost jewelry, etc. Even prospectors need a day off.
Used, there's nothing, a 40 yr old Bounty Hunter on Kijiji for $125.00. There's got to be better out there.
So I begin searching.
Now, treasure hunting is a bit like - well, hard to explain. But people interested in prospecting and Metal Detecting and other related things tend to be - well, judging from the websites, gullible.
Every metal detector comes in 30 different models, ranging from $200 all the way to $3000 and more. Waterproof, discriminator functions, 3D Holographic imaging, the specs are varied and nonsensical.
The specs are mostly concealed in jargon, and the new fancy computer-led-displays, while possibly a good thing, smell to me a bit of quackery.
People who go searching for buried treasure I suspect are a bit gullible and easy to bilk.
The specs are never easy to read. Add to this the sites that sell them are frequently cluttered with ads for treasure maps, binoculars that will spot gold on riverbanks, other absurd "treasure hunting" equipment and you start to realize that to buy anything strictly practical will not be an easy chore. It's much like Celine's descriptions in "Death on the Installment Plan". Add to this the fact that few places in Calgary sell them, and virtually none offer any sort of selection, and you'll know what I'm up against.
Still, do a job, do it right, I'll possibly only travel this road once and I'd rather not be blaming failure on a lack of preparedness, and so off I go to test them out... After all, it would only take a nugget or two to pay for one...
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Haircut
And my goal for today, trivial, to be sure, is to get a haircut. Remove the blonde, a shaving, hair cropped close, I'm due, could do it myself but I'd like just a little bit of style.
In the NE, one of the factory discount hair salons. Waiting, 2 "stylists", neither even remotely stylish but I'm not asking for much, just trim me past the blonde...
Watching, waiting...
The first, a plump brunette, finishes her customer first. There's someone ahead of me, a 50, 60 something elderly lady. The other stylist finishes shortly thereafter. I'm hoping for the first stylist, the second has so little style that - as modest as my expectations are - I'm worried they'll be thwarted.
My suspicions are correct.
After 10 minutes fussing at the till, billing previous clients and preparing for new, it's my turn.
"Phone Number?" She asks.
I give her phone number, wrong, at first, and then correct. She's not figuring it out. I repeat it. "Have you been here before?"
"Yes."
She looks confused. I don't want her to cut my hair, I have 0 expectations, want nothing, but for her even this is too much.
- "Is your name Julia?"
I leave.
Rest. Breathe.
I try another bulk stylist. I miss the guy, guys, who just asked you what you wanted, cut your hair. It shouldn't be this complex. I feel bad for leaving but she was an idiot.
But I'm in the NE, and the selection isn't getting better.
2 hairstylists, both on their ass watching TV. One, Asian, the right side of her face swollen as though due to a toothache, perhaps 50 years old. "Phone Number?" she begins, and although (or perhaps because) I've not been here before we get through this without difficulty.
She asks me what I want. "To remove the blonde" I explain, the rest she can do as she chooses.
She's competent, but she's not removing the blonde, she's copying the haircut I had, only shorter, I'm left with blonde tips.
I can't be bothered to explain again.
It crosses my mind halfway through that the swollen face might be a consequence of a beating by her husband. But there's not way to broach this discreetly. In any event it's discomfiting to bring it up, I leave it. I don't know the causes, consequences, of her swollen face, only that it's hurt me as much to see it as it must be for her to experience it.
Next barber, some 7 or 8 weeks hence, will be the Greek or the Lebanese.They at least speak English.
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Sold Out
I've had talks with the boy regarding drugs. Marijuana, specifically, he's recognized the scent at the Calgary Folk Festival a couple of years ago.
I'm non-judgmental, just give him the facts, let him make up his own mind. In my experience, limited as it is, this is the best way. And Marijuana, despite what the media would lead you to believe, is common. Very common.
I tell him what I know, that it's fine, sure, but be where you want to be. It destroys motivation. I'd smoke it, sure, why not?, but it makes me sick and nauseous, and this puts me off it. Otherwise I have no prejudices.
Once I allowed him to practice rolling "joints" with my old cigarette butts, explained that this was a vital party skill. He practiced. I thought of buying some dope to have him smoke when i was around, together even (but, really, I'm not pot guy and it doesn't agree with me at all), it never happened, I realized some things he'll have to do on his own. I've given him books that reference that, that will prepare him, no need to ruin it with my encouragement...
He's pretty conservative. A reaction, I suspect, to my liberalness.
But the other day he caught his Mother and her husband smoking dope. They invited him to join him, wanted him to try it in a safe environment...
I understand. I've considered the same, but as it's me and not them I refrained, didn't want to be the "too liberal" parent. And how much fun could it be to smoke dope with your parent/s?
He declined, he has his prejudices. He's had chances at school, decided it wasn't for him. This impresses me, it's a good thing.
So after the busting of his Mom (successful, University Teacher/MBA/Chartered Accountant) she's talking with him, and he parrots my views, that it's fine if you're happy with where you are, but most stoners are at a fixed place in their life and it's something to do when you have no intention or ambitions of moving forwards....
With rare exceptions (always those damnable exceptions) I believe that to be true. From my limited experience with pot I'm not an exception.
She takes this, for a minute, then tells him: "You know I got that pot off your father..."
He's told me the first part of the story, I laughed, the second part he tells me looking at the table. I laugh, feel like a heel, can't believe I've been sold out like this. Yeah, it was a couple of years ago, I bought some off someone at the restaurant, tried it, didn't agree with me as before, passed it on to his Mom as I knew she didn't have my prejudice/reaction to it. It's funny, I'm laughing, he is too, I'm not against his knowing this but I'm wondering at his mom selling me down the river so readily, as if it were somehow all my fault, I explain again that it's not my thing, I tried it again, passed the leftovers on to his Mom (and I knew it was her thing), it's not the end of the world, but somehow I feel I've been sold out...
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Marvel's Avengers - 3D
We wanted to see "The Raid - Redemption", but it had stopped playing, and so we were looking for something that might come close.
Nothing came even slightly close.
So we decide upon "Marvel's The Avengers", because he doesn't want to see "Bully", because, really, who would?
Tickets, it's sold out, 2 hours until the next show. 2 hours killing time in the mall.
I wanted to see "The Raid", could have seen it, but he's had school commitments all week and wouldn't have been able to make it. So I've saved it for the week-end, but as luck would have it it's no longer playing.
And this, The Avengers, it's popular, and so we kill time in the mall waiting for it to start.
At 10:10 we try to get a seat in the theatre, but there's a line, we're about #150 in line. Nerds. The line is filled with Nerds.
I have no expectations, none good, anyways, I know the Ironman (Robert Downing Jr) is in it, otherwise I'm not comic guy. I know nothing. But I'm not hopeful. No expectations, easily pleased.
"93% on the Tomatometer" the boy tells me, and I take his word that it will be passable.
Line, trailers, finally film. 3D Glasses, I'm impressed by the 3D ness of it all, better than I remember 3D. Amazing. But after 4, 5 minutes amazing is off, the effects are taken for granted, and your focusing on silly things like dialogue and plot.
Oooops.
The film is shit.
I'm not comic guy, the plot confuses me, the hulk, the black widow, the Ironman even, it's all a bit confusing. The introduction of the Norse gods Thor and Loki is especially confusing. But if you're comic guy/girl, you get it. The jokes are obvious, and the plot points are predictable. The Ironman, Robert Downing Jr, has about 5 minutes of dialogue, the rest is all CGI, I'm embarrassed for him and explain to the boy that he probably didn't read the script, and if he did he's probably in desperate need of a couple of Kilos of blow.
The 3D glasses, in the end they're there to prevent you from gouging your eyes out with a spoon. They should have provided earplugs as well. The laws of imaginary physics are rewritten and violated at least a dozen times. This 3D action spectacular is more 1D adolescence than anything I could have imagined. Even the boy feels it, slouches, knows he's in for a roasting.
And it drags. Over 2 hours, on my own I would have left after half an hour, indifferent to the plot or outcome, but with the boy along I feel obliged to stay. I find out later he shares my thoughts.
****
I fucking hated it. Inane, shallow dialogue, plot, it was a load of shit. The audience , on the other hand, seemed to love it. How it got 93% on the tomato-meter is beyond me. It was bad. Bad even by comic-book standards. They had Gwyneth Paltrow, but she only had at most 3 minutes of screen time. But this was the same for all the actors, Captain America, The Hulk, etc. The rest was all CGI. The plot, shit, the dialogue, true to a comic I never read but imagined was written for illiterate 9 year olds. Fail fail fail. 93%? How I ask? The people that would see it would be biased in it's favour, true, but even then 50% seems generous.
In summary, "Marvel's The Avengers" - No bananas, leave early and do something productive with your life. Or simply don't go at all. Complete, utter, load of shit.
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