6 Hours of Car Alarm
It started at 3:00 AM, like a fucking crime wave hitting the neighborhood, honking, beeps, sirens, ambulance, one of those old school alarms that screams "rape" loud enough for the entire fucking city to hear, only letting up intermittently, finally, 7:00 AM and I've had enough, walk down the street and get a license plate. Already the truck is papered with notes from other light sleepers and well wishers in the area, another neighbor is there taking a plate, he thinks the truck is stolen and dumped, I'm not so sure...If the truck isn't stolen, license plate BNJ-6946, you are Calgary's "ASS HOLE OF THE DAY". This in a city that offers pretty stiff competition.
As for the police, well, Bankview is hardly central, and easily 7 blocks from the nearest Tim Hortons, how could they be expected to break up their Friday night over something as trivial as this? Mind you, if it were a crime spree and you were breaking into cars in the downtown core, expect a 6 hour head start before the cops pop out their earplugs...
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Flea Circus
When I worked as a clown I had a bit I did for younger kids, "The Flea Circus", in which with a concealed pencil and sheet of plain white paper I'd try to persuade a group of suspicious 5 year-olds that there were indeed fleas doing all sorts of acrobatics and stunts. They were pretty skeptical, but with my free left hand hidden under the paper playing the role of "Escaped Flea", dispensing abundant pinches to the unbelievers, I managed to bring them all back into the fold...
Imagine my surprise when I found out there was actually such a thing!
Links: Wiki on the Flea Circus, http://flea-circus.com/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9BjN_GHIic, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQLPhS1N9pc
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Chasity Belts & Anti-Mastubatory Devices
It's been kinda the meme of the week, that Chasity belts in fact probably never existed, and if they did were more for novelty use and whipped up for museums.
I console myself with the thought that "Fury Road" is set in the future.
That said, the more literal and kinky members of society have been quick to embrace them, and six centuries later there's any number of suppliers to be found online. I'll let you do your own research there...
There were, however, any number of ideas for anti-erection and anti-mastubatory devices patented. I'd be curious to see the resultant psychology of any child that suffered an adolescence wearing one of these:
More at (appropriately enough) Christwire. I'm not making this up, they even added their website to the image - clearly any self-respecting anti-mastubator or erectionist would want a Jesus branded and approved product, although I have to say I think I have a very different understanding of both arousing and the Bible than they do.
And, finally, proof that the more things change, the more they stay the same - anti-erection boxers, to save your child from the embarrassment of a poorly timed boner.
It's a wonderful world.
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