Other Peoples Tragedies...
"There is always something infinitely mean about other people's tragedies" - Oscar Wilde.
And the tales of the tragedies wrought by the recession are legion...
"I had to lay off 64 people" begins one regular, no word as to the fate of those he laid off, merely that we should somehow feel for him, empathize that his profits are almost entirely reduced to the work of his own hands. Another has had to sell his car, buy a cheaper model, yet another cancelled his annual trophy hunt in Europe. The best, a customer complaining about the cost of a new windshield for his Bentley - "Guess how much" he asks us, "$1500" guesses one, "$5000" I guess, "$7000" he tells us, "Use my car" I generously suggest, offering the keys, "Once around the block and you'll return to your world a changed man...".
These people, other peoples tragedies, they haven't got a clue...
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- Category: Miscellany
The Great White Hunter
We've a late table, another one that doesn't understand when exactly we close, and makes an afternoon of a "business lunch". The one, an elderly Italian, the other, a strapping, blousy tart, coworker of the Italian.
The owner discovers them, he's in a rare temper today, swinging between extremes, sits down, begins to work on the tart...
He tells her of his hunting, he's bagged a trophy whitetail deer. I can hear the conversation from where I stand watching the table, trying not to eavesdrop, but they're the only table in the restaurant...this is true.
When she goes the bathroom he confirms with the guest that she's not his lover...doesn't want to be too forward...indiscreet...
He's shot a couple of elk, they've gotten away...true. "Coyote Food" is how he describes them to me, they won't live, but somehow they eluded his stalking...
But the story's just gotten a whole lot better, he's drawing in the blousy tart...
"I tracked it for 4 hours through the snow, following the blood, I was amazed it lived, and then I discovered the scent had been picked up by a grizzly bear...it charged me...what was I to do? I didn't want to shoot it, although it was charging me, so I fired into the air..."
And we've crossed the line here into complete and utter bollocks, but if she buys it, well, good for him...
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- Category: Conversations
Mickey Mouse Via Public Domain
"Adam Ruins Everything" explains how corporations have seized and monopolized the right to public domain artworks. Well. And maybe you guessed who the culprit is?
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- Category: Ideas & Questions
"Fuck My Ass"...
She was cute enough, on the first date, eyes hidden behind these bug-eyed sunglasses, we walked, she talked, 3 hours straight. Intelligent, if you trusted her, I trusted her, I trust everyone, I'm gullible that way. I barely slipped a word in edgewise, it was just another date...
And she'd text me from time to time, she was out of town, family business, busy, we didn't hook up again, until...
She starts texting me. I'm an ass, I haven't been texting her, I protest, I'm just following convention, don't want to be the overly dependent non-boyfriend...
Abundant miscommunications, and despite being a bottle of Vodka to the wind I agree to drive out and see her...
Cochrane. Bookends to someone I know, living the first house opposite the park to someone else, very important to me, even in her absence...
It's weird this. And she, in a bathrobe, quickly dropped, nothing on underneath, a flawless form, figure, but she's quick to observe my many faults, failings, my teeth (yellow rats teeth), my lack of tone, she's condescending...
It happens, sure it would, in the basement, where it should, and she won't let me leave, indiscreet confessions and pillow talk inappropriate to a first date, a few hours later, it's time to go, time to go, and she's shouting at me "You can't leave until you fuck my ass..." and in other circumstances, with other people, maybe, but I've gotten a little far out of my box and it's time to return to safety...
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- Category: Dating
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