Escape From Ken
...and, now that there's the possibility that Ken will be coming back I can't wait to pitch to him my idea of an "Escape Room" based around the premise of a first date with Ken.
Actually, it's not a date, you've asked him for a ride to .... wherever ... and you have to disabuse him of the notion that this is a romantic getaway, dissuade him from getting the wrong notion, dodge his flirting attempts and swoop-ins for kisses, you lose if he bursts into tears....if you tell him you're a lesbian he doubles his efforts...
Anyways, it's just a rough idea so far, but I'll hammer it out with Ken when I have him trapped again in the Kitchen...
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Chris
And Chris, prospecting buddy who'd come with me to Crystal Mountain, now growing more than a little painful, he's irate I didn't buy him a ticket to Amissa, irate that I charged him for an extra chip-mayo at the restaurant, he's become a bit too-much the dog-gone begging, always broke and so you pay, for gas, food, spot him a hundred bucks that disappears into the void. It's just another drop in the bucket with Chris.
He's always broke, for the record, because he just bought a snowmobile for the winter, used it once, and then sold it at a loss. He's broke because he just bought himself a new Motorcycle. He's broke because he bought himself a motorcycle outfit. He'd spend money but we're too expensive. He's expecting money to come in from his sister/mother/father for his birthday/Christmas...
In short, his whole lifestyle is based on being a dollar short and a day too late, and he does very well for himself in this perpetual poverty and I've grown more than a little tired of subsidizing it...
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People
So, business slow, some of our usual great tippers, but - well, this will be a different year.
Anyways, a few of the new staff, and a short elaboration on each:
First there's H* - young, 26, tall, lean, wearing anime styled skirts and looking good in her schoolgirl outfits. Partnered, talking to JR, probably trying to ingratiate herself to him, she tells him she wants a baby soooo badly, and you see it in her eyes, she's committed to the bit, full on nutty, you could see if she doesn't have one soon she'll find a pregnant woman and tear it out, "She seemed pleasant enough" we'll all be saying...boyfriend beware...While I've never seen or read it, she reminds me of that lead in "50 Shades of nonsense....", her outfits generally only need a collar to complete, which unfortunately I can't recommend.
Then there's C* - Chef, the one who came in from Victoria having been mugged. He's always looking to scrounge a cigarette, eats and drinks in the restaurant, his tabs a further deduction on his paycheck - on top of the rent. He should know better, come pay periods he's going to be owing the restaurant money, not getting any back. So far he owes me $60. I don't have a lot of hope.
There's T* - a pretty, pixie styled 30 something year old who seems able to do the job and have a laugh. She's genuinely likeable, which is a rare enough thing, and it's a joy to work with someone - well, new.
T* - a customer, who upon discussion I find out is the person who bought the property just off the highway a few KM back. I remember her moving in - 6 years ago. And so I ask, for the curious, it was a rumbledown shack in a ravine - how much did she pay? And it turns out they were asking $89,000 for it, 1.2 Acres, then when she called the realtor told her it was dropped to $82,000, so she put in an offer of $62,000 and was accepted. By golly by gully that's a mortgage I could have afforded...
***
Wednesday, a day off, only H* has texted me early in the morning - 6:11 AM to be precise, to ask if I could cover her shift, she's feeling sick.
Sure.
And so I text JR and tell him he should take the night off - it's not been busy enough for 2.
Coffee, John Ward, run into K***, old chef from the Golf Course, dawdling his newborn - 1 year old child. He's a cutie. We chat, catch up, ask about P* - a notable homeless guy who was highly visible in the neighborhood and seems to have disappeared, K*** doesn't know where he's disappeared to. Homeless come and go, although the going usually involves an OD, no obituary and a new home 6' under.
On that note there's a new travelling addict in town, just dosed up, dressed like a DJ, in and out of the café, incomprehensible, the latest in the junkie migration, always verging on toppling over but he seems to be keeping it together...
***
JR responds, no, I should have my day off, I deserve it. Whew. And so I'm off, to the Gym, then to the library, then out to get some sun, a free man once again.
***
1:00 JR calls, plans have changed, he's had a fight with his mommy, I have to work.
***
And, getting to work, annoyed beyond measure at this rollercoaster of working-not-working, I find the latest news. C* has disappeared, texted Sean (Chef) in the middle of the night that he's on his way to Winnipeg...he still owed me $60...not surprised, really, he was spending more than he was earning, likeable but a flake, now the kitchen is Man down and who should they be calling but Ken, who's grown unhappy in his current role and is coming in for an interview on the morrow. Ken, he'll love these new waitresses, Ken, ahh, now the summer fun will begin...
Working, a haze over the lake, smoke from the fires working it's way into the valley already, 6,10 weeks early. It's a beautiful spot to watch the world burn.
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Notes on Musckleman
Since I've been pretty regular hitting the gym and noticing some trivial improvements (most notably in the abs, although the biceps and pecs are slowly rising as well), I've decided to commit to the bit and continue the part to the annoyance of certain of my customers and all of the staff.
This is what makes it all worthwhile, no vegan is happy about not eating meat, they just like the smug moral superiority they can lord over their friends. And Musckleman doesn't like working out, but he loves talking about it...
So here we go...
#1) refer to self as "Musckleman" and, where possible, in the third person. Eg: Interrupt conversations with "Were you two talking about the Musckleman...?"
#2) "Did you know the 'M' in 'Musckleman' is for 'Modest'?"
#3) 'They're talking about getting Jason Momoa to play the 'Before' version of me in the movie version....'
#4) More third person: "You are making Musckleman Angry/Impatient/etc/etc"
#5) Setting customers minds at ease by explaining that while heavily muscled I'm committed to non-violence...Maybe use the example of the 2 Grizzly Bears I caught fighting at Kokanee Creek Park and how I got out of my car to split it up.
#6) And pre-emptively addressing the elephant in the room - "You've probably noticed my huge arms but I want you to know they're just muscles, I saw a doctor...."
#7) Explain that I don't like to talk about my muscles because I'm more the strong silent type and would prefer to stand close and eavesdrop while they discuss my muscles...
#8) "Did you know in a recent poll I was voted most eligible bachelor in the Kootenays over 30!!"
#9) "....After my workout the lifeguards stopped me on the way to the sauna and asked if they could use me to demonstrate mouth-to-mouth and I had to tell them: 'Bob, that isn't my mouth...'..."
#10) "Did you know that Crime in Balfour has dropped 24% since I started lifting weights?"
#11) "I was lying in a creek bathing myself with sand when I noticed a fine line of gold dust accumulating just beneath my belly button on a riffle in my stomach, a little gold nugget swirling in my belly-button, and I realized I've become a human sluice box..."
One of the new staff noted that "Your So Vain" kept playing on our generic 70's playlist, I told her to feel my arm and reassured her that this wasn't vanity, this was accomplishment...
On that note, while business remains slow, and maybe it's the prices, it's certainly not for want of good conversation...
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