It's poor pickings, I haven't died and there's stuff I don't want to part with yet, there's an order to this diminishing of self, skewed towards big things first, then small, and smaller until finally the legion of things I haven't yet thought about yet.
After all the miscellaneous randoms the books will go, first by a half, then another half, then another, surely I don't need every book by Somerset Maughm, Nabokov even, "Ada", "Lolita" and "Pale Fire" will suffice, and so I'll work through the list, a couple of the best by my favorite authors, keep the reference, psychology, mythology, fairy tales, dictionaries of mythology, phrase and fable, and my books will become manageable, there will be room to live.
Another picker, random enquiries on Kijiji - thought it was a another one of those, YOU KNOW - just want to talk, but he came by, pleasant enough, he's here for the artist's models, he knows what they cost at the art store, as well, a chain mail glove, I suggest the fencing foils but he says no - his wife would kill him (then why the glove?), a pair of dumbells, a microphone stand. Maybe he's a picker, but he's got pretty eclectic tastes...
He asks about the story with the artists models - they're for figurative drawing, and I had written about a lady I had met down the street about 15 years ago who was selling all these paintings she had done, of the little mannequins posed in various settings, somehow she didn't understand that they were supposed to be placeholders for real people, and he's laughing, he thinks I was joking. I wasn't, I don't need to make much up, life surpasses me in absurdity at every turn. His English, it's not so good, and I'm always surprised when foreigners get my sense of humor, few enough of the locals do, and he's laughing harder now when I tell him it's true...
So another day, more shit gone, time now to unpack some more boxes...
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It's crazy. Post an ad for free dinosaur bones - I have at least 4 5 gallon pails full, and a dozen responses in 5 minutes. 1 Girl wants them all, will pick them up, and I'm a bit annoyed - there's plenty enough to go around, and people that want "ALL" the free stuff are generally like locusts. Plus it makes me suspect they are hoping to flip them on the black market, which - if I can't do - they shouldn't be able to either.
So she gives me a time and I say "sure, just text first to ensure there are some left..." and she gets annoyed - well, if I can't save them she can't be bothered...
More, terse 1 word questions, "Where?!!!!", free, it brings out the - well, bottom feeders. And then there was this:
I couldn't make this stuff up.
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Antique house keys, English, most date from the early 1800's, some are earlier. $11.00 per key, no bulk discounts. So if like you want to buy 6 keys (why? 1 is unique, cool & decorative. 6? That's greedy) than the price would be $66.00 If you wanted to buy 20 keys at $11.00 per key with no bulk discount that would come to $210.00. Don't worry, I don't have 20 keys for sale. Now for the Fun Facts: It is rumored that I have hidden somewhere in the city of Calgary an old chest filled with Spanish doubloons and pieces of eight and that I'm actually selling the key that will unlock it. The other fun fact is that I've liberally sprinkled clues throughout my ads and even gone so far as to hiding them in items I have sold. The third and final fun fact refers to my credibility, but I'll let you work that one out on your own...
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This came off of a Volvo 240 DL - Circa 1990. This is all that is left.
In the US they have a joke - it begins with a family, Mother, Father, Son Daughter, Dog, Donkey, What-Have-You walking into a Talent agency....all sorts of mischief ensues, limited only by the discretion of the comedian telling the joke. They call it "The Aristocrats". In Canada we have the same joke, only it begins with "Man took his car to Canadian Tire to get fixed...". And yeah, it goes pretty much the same way. Now - You can have the tire for $5.00. Cheap. OR - If you want to listen to the entire joke, which involves a car leaking radiator fluid, a man saying "Tail lights need a new circuit board", a $400 Charge from Canadian Tire to say "You were right the Tail Lights need a new circuit boards, don't know where you are going to get that fixed...", a suggested wheel alignment, tire rotation, new starter, transmission, $100 "Shop Fees" - read "Lube Charge But it's not feeling like I got any", etc, etc, multiple hands reaching up my *ss, an entire herd of donkeys, a car still leaking radiator fluid, a $2000 bill, a "Test Drive" that didn't roll the odometer a single KM, etc. etc. you can have it for free. It's a long joke and in the end it's on me, but if you listen to it all you can have the tire for free.
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