A miscellany of completely unrelated thoughts...

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And so somehow, someway this intruded upon my consciousness.
The vilest, most obscene joke ever. A joke so obscene that comedians dared only to tell it to fellow comedians. Until Gilbert Gottfried told it at the Hugh Hefner Roast, and somehow it leaked it's way onto the web. 
 
The joke always follows the same formula (or thereabouts): A family walks into a talent agency to audition....
 
After which follow any and all manner of obscenity and filth. There are no taboos here, incest, bestiality, however offensive you can imagine, it will/can/has been included.
 
The end of the joke falls with the talent agent noting what an "unusual" act the family has, and inquiring as to what they call themselves. The answer is (of course) - "The Aristocrats".  
 
Now the joke has followed a progression, it's target being to offend as many people as possible. In Gilbert Gottfried's version, it was to save a reference to 911 that many in the audience felt was too soon.  Somehow "The Aristocrats" was less offensive than referencing the disaster so lately visited upon NYC. 
 
But there's more here. Somewhere, in it's history, there was once validity (or so I imagine), somewhere the events described were much less offensive, yet when the punch line came made apparent sense, perhaps in light of current events. But that, the intelligent interpretation, has been lost, and comedians have developed solely on the line of it's offensiveness.
 
I watched a documentary of the same name. Not particularly praiseworthy.
 
But such is the brief (for my sake) history of "The Aristocrats". Research it at your peril. And watch an abbreviated version of the joke via Southpark here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyKGHVA6rb0. Note this was never aired, it was for the documentary. It sums it up well enough.
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Category: Film

Peter Jackson AND the Muppets? What kid wouldn't love that, I thought to myself...Probably something like Dark Crystal, only with hobbits and elves and things...
...returning from my errands I solicit their reviews....."Um...." begins the boy 

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Category: Film

We wanted to see "The Raid - Redemption", but it had stopped playing, and so we were looking for something that might come close.

Nothing came even slightly close.

So we decide upon "Marvel's The Avengers", because he doesn't want to see "Bully", because, really, who would?

Tickets, it's sold out, 2 hours until the next show. 2 hours killing time in the mall.

I wanted to see "The Raid", could have seen it, but he's had school commitments all week and wouldn't have been able to make it. So I've saved it for the week-end, but as luck would have it it's no longer playing.

And this, The Avengers, it's popular, and so we kill time in the mall waiting for it to start.

At 10:10 we try to get a seat in the theatre, but there's a line, we're about #150 in line. Nerds. The line is filled with Nerds.

I have no expectations, none good, anyways, I know the Ironman (Robert Downing Jr) is in it, otherwise I'm not comic guy. I know nothing. But I'm not hopeful. No expectations, easily pleased.

"93% on the Tomatometer" the boy tells me, and I take his word that it will be passable.

Line, trailers, finally film. 3D Glasses, I'm impressed by the 3D ness of it all, better than I remember 3D. Amazing. But after 4, 5 minutes amazing is off, the effects are taken for granted, and your focusing on silly things like dialogue and plot.

Oooops.

The film is shit.

I'm not comic guy, the plot confuses me, the hulk, the black widow, the Ironman even, it's all a bit confusing. The introduction of the Norse gods Thor and Loki is especially confusing. But if you're comic guy/girl, you get it. The jokes are obvious, and the plot points are predictable. The Ironman, Robert Downing Jr, has about 5 minutes of dialogue, the rest is all CGI, I'm embarrassed for him and explain to the boy that he probably didn't read the script, and if he did he's probably in desperate need of a couple of Kilos of blow.

The 3D glasses, in the end they're there to prevent you from gouging your eyes out with a spoon. They should have provided earplugs as well. The laws of imaginary physics are rewritten and violated at least a dozen times. This 3D action spectacular is more 1D adolescence than anything I could have imagined. Even the boy feels it, slouches, knows he's in for a roasting.

And it drags. Over 2 hours, on my own I would have left after half an hour, indifferent to the plot or outcome, but with the boy along I feel obliged to stay. I find out later he shares my thoughts.

****

I fucking hated it. Inane, shallow dialogue, plot, it was a load of shit. The audience , on the other hand, seemed to love it. How it got 93% on the tomato-meter is beyond me. It was bad. Bad even by comic-book standards. They had Gwyneth Paltrow, but she only had at most 3 minutes of screen time. But this was the same for all the actors, Captain America, The Hulk, etc. The rest was all CGI. The plot, shit, the dialogue, true to a comic I never read but imagined was written for illiterate 9 year olds. Fail fail fail. 93%? How I ask? The people that would see it would be biased in it's favour, true, but even then 50% seems generous.

In summary, "Marvel's The Avengers" - No bananas, leave early and do something productive with your life. Or simply don't go at all. Complete, utter, load of shit.

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Category: Film

 
Possibly one to take the children to this summer (what are the ratings, I wonder?...but not enough to search for.). In any event, good or bad, at least different from the typical PAP we rear our children upon...
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Category: Film
  1. Andrew Bird - Fever Year
  2. Rampart
  3. Surviving Progress
  4. God Bless America

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