From the days when a man might, in lieu of crude or cheesy opening lines, actually commit his banality to a business card of sorts, to be presented to his intended beau or victim. I have every intent of reviving this custom...
Some of the more inane rhymes:
"Your beau I wish to be,
This card I therefore send,
Please answer quick to me,
Will you be my friend?"
Find a charming selection of introduction cards here:
Link: https://www.flickr.com/photos/aemays/sets/72157626967453736/
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Try slipping a few of these in your conversation: Masturdating (n): the Act of going out alone to a movie or restaurant, Askhole (n): Someone who asks many stupid, pointless or obnoxious questions. Others to look for: Epiphanot, Unlightening.
A few favorites not on the list: Fornicopia, Procrasturbating.
Read the full list here: http://www.boredpanda.com/modern-word-combinations-urban-dictionary/ (warning - bored panda), and for even more novel evolutions of language visit the Urban Dictionary.
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Breaking news in Britain, another successful jewel heist, something about the scale, planning and ingenuity that goes into one of these is highly appealing to me. Not to mention the 200 Million Pound paycheck. Don't be all judgmental, all they've stolen is some vanity and pride, far less than your average Canadian Bank or cable company, and if it were not for thieves they wouldn't be in business...
Link: http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-32215206
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Even if this proves to be an April Fools Prank, this is one of the best - and most heartwarming - stories you'll read today. It concerns a guy who had his iPhone stolen from a cafe in New York, then starts receiving images taken from the phone and uploaded to the iCloud, from which he gathers his phone has made it's way to China. From here he goes on to use social media to track down his phone, and in the end flies to China where he's become something of a minor celebrity, to have the new owner of the stolen phone fete him, promote products, meet fans (!!??) and basically have the time of his life. Well worth the 10 minutes it'll take you to read it, and if you ever have your phone stolen, hold your breath and hope - it might not be as bad a thing as you think...
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