And this, in the dismal news of the day (and there's seldom been any good news as of late), Stormy in the Hospital, why, exactly, I don't know. There could be any number of reasons - his faculties had been visibly in decline the entire summer, and busy with work I hadn't checked up on him nearly as often as I should have.
So on Sunday, made an appointment and went for an outdoor visit. They wheel him outside.
He's cleaner, they've bathed him, put him in a wheelchair, his eyes are a startling blue. The kids have come with me - he's always asked about them, and labelled any amount of scrolls and garbage to be given to them, so - not knowing his state of affairs I bring them along.
He recognizes them, in part, asks questions - about what they've been up to, doing. I ask him why he's there, but there are no straight answers, they took him because he hadn't been vaccinated, and I ask if he's been vaccinated now and he shows me a cotton ball taped to his arm, but this was for an IV drip. His reason, it's escaped, there are no straight answers - dementia? absentia? a stroke? I don't know. But he's not there, possibly under the influence of medications - painkillers or otherwise - but the conversation moves in no direction at all. He hates it here. It's like a jail. His room-mates - 90 years old, he has to listen to them dicker all day.
I promise to drop him off a care package, buy him some notebooks and pens, this might help - somewhat - to restore him, but there is - I know - no restoring him.
***
This is an uncomfortable thing - what do you do? Is life to preserved at any cost - when that cost is the relinquishment of all that made life worth living? Memory, freedom, reason - and - are we as a society entitled to make that choice on behalf of someone? I mean - clearly we do - but - is it for the better? I'm not so sure. The point taken - make the tough choices for yourself - because most assuredly nobody will make them for you.
***
This summer - double long the second year into the pandemic - it's taken it's toll, suicides - I know of 2, acquaintances or people met in passing, overdoses, the unreported and personal costs of the pandemic are mounting, and we've many more catastrophes to come. It seems we've come to the end of days. I need to breathe and gather my resources for this is not the end and there's many a dark valley ahead.