Sorry, I wasn't expecting your email and I'd done a trivial amount of 'shrooms before going out and caught it just as I was leaving.
"Surprise!!!!!"
Yeah, you fucking get it I know, I know, but you get it I was a little surprised as well. Thought I was getting away with murder, although - you know, if you think about it - if you remember me correctly - that wasn't my point.
I read about your dad, I'm sorry, he was nice, he was decent, and he wanted the best for you.
I hope you are well.
Wake Up.
Be kind. I don't care about what you think - or worry - I might. The last I saw of you - the last, other than Nick Cave, the Art Store, the last I saw of you where there was any meaningful exchange was that night when I met Johnny. Yeah, laugh, fuck, you gotta laugh, how long ago?
I hope you two are happy. No shit, really, I do, it's none of my business and I want the best for you and whoever. And I don't think you get it but when I imagined my own happiness in your arms - well - it was a separate place from where he - or anyone else - is now. Was it ever. If you think about it you'll understand. Or I can send you some 'shrooms.
Wake Up...
I loved you. Man, oh how, did I fucking love you, and if I lived ten thousand years I wouldn't have tired of showing you. But you know. You know. Time passes, people change.
You've changed and grown I imagine. There's scant online, you know I search from time to time. And me - ? I dunno. I know you find me in my scattered and disregarded thoughts, the noise, the cast offs, that is my blog. And the rest? I don't know. I've grown over and healed, grown independent to a fault, grown, grown, maybe like cancer or not and that blog - that blog I started so fucking long ago because of you, it's growing as well, like that monstrous child that you need to behead, that you need to kill, that you need....
but that's it's purpose, the graveyard of unrequited thoughts. Really, I should post this on it, you'd read it I know. But I'll send it to you.
You have my address, it's been a long time. I look forward to hearing from you. Send me no trivial thoughts.