And I've been getting these dumb-ass emails from "Tweekaboo", the "Social Media Platform" for people that just got kids.
"Family life is all about moments. The first moments, the messy moments, the tender moments, the 3am moments, the proud moments. These are the wonderful real-life moments that tell the story of your child's life. We call these moments Tweekaboo moments.
At Tweekaboo we're parents too. Designed for busy families, Tweekaboo uses your smart phone to make saving magic moments, easy."
Bloody Hell.
To some people kids are like herpes or religion and they want to share their experience with anyone that will listen. So Amber has somehow mistyped her friends name into her phone and I've been the (un)lucky recipient of all the glorious updates as to her precious little bundle of joy, 3 a day, and Google alerts me every time something new happens. Headlines like: "Koala Costume", "Aunt Mandy trying to get Charley in the Halloween...", "Love my PJ's from Grandma" and "Happy Halloween from our little Pumpkin". I'm guessing it's one of the other Rod/Rob Boyle's from down under, somewhere someone got deported to a sunnier clime and my relations got sent to Canada. And now you want me to take this bullet for you? I wrote tech support at Tweekaboo, told them they had the wrong guy, I'm not that guy, I don't even slightly envy that guy, who's probably just nodding dully along to the conversations with Amber and never for a moment thinks to correct his email address with her, he's getting away far too lightly, but I can't bear it anymore and tech support at Tweekaboo, they're just glad someone's using their product, I could create an account and log in and tell Amber directly, but maybe what I should do - in the spirit of the season, is log into Tweekaboo and start sending Amber all of my precious family moments..."...a tight circumcision", "...that was a smelly burp - OOPS", "...first soiled diaper", that kinda thing, maybe then she'd work it all out.