Now J is a friend of the owners, we tip him out as an equal even though he has no experience as a server. He has some common sense and is eager to help out, that's enough.
He works weekends, or whenever we need him, he's a good guy. His day job he works for Telus, but - close to my age - his bills are paid, his children raised, he's successful in his fashion, he works at the restaurant to help out his friend but something's missing.
It's love.
He's divorced, the particulars are nasty and we don't ask, it's a long story, he'd be happy to share it but we know better.
But, more to the point, he's a current flame that's walking all over him, and this hurts, not just himself but all of us.
He tells us the stories, keeps us updated as to the status, even cynical and derisive me, our advice is always the same.
He's close to my age, perhaps 40 something (early forties) - good looking, 6'1" or so, buff, short curly blonde hair, professionally attired, most women would consider him a catch. He's a slight nervous tic, irregular, somehow it makes him more endearing. He's religious, attends church on Sundays, but not preachy religious, it's his own thing.
I respect that.
But his girlfriend.
We've had all the stories, even served them before he started here to help us out. His girlfriend's a bitch.
At that time we said nothing, not our place, but you could tell. The girls especially.
She's a bit older than him, 46 or so, fit, good looking, youthful, but she's got him on a string like a yo-yo.
Somehow or another he's gotten into her bad books, some months ago, and she's told her children, her friends, what a bad guy he is.
It's not true, we know him as well. He's a good guy. A trifle boring perhaps, but a good guy nonetheless.
They've dated for almost 2 years, he's hopelessly in love. But they've had problems, he's attended - at her bequest - "Anger Management" counseling. Nothing could be more absurd. And they've seen therapists - at his expense - still the relationship falls apart.
He has her passwords, works in IT after all, knows all her email passwords, computer stuff, knows her intimate private life, it cuts him to the quick.
He took her to Mexico, a platonic vacation, caught her writing emails to her children telling them she'd decided to break up with him.
She hadn't told him, wanted to wait for the vacation to end.
He's bought her children laptops - Apple, as that's the brand, paid for their medical expenses, Dental, schooling, still they don't like him. Mom's said he's a bastard, it must be true.
He bought her an engagement ring, $24,000 dollars worth, she broke up with him and kept it, was going to sell it to buy a car...
He bought her a car, Mercedes, for her to use while she helped him set up his business, it wasn't good enough.
And they go on dates and he hacks into her email and discovers her profile on E-Harmony, she hasn't told him, she's off dating other men.
***
He's in love and doesn't know what to do, he begs our advice and then discards it, it's always the same.
I feel for him. I know - too well, his situation. Not that I've blighted lovers with gifts of $24, 000 engagement rings or Mercedes Benzes, but I know that feeling of love that defies reason, that when everything is so obviously wrong I've still pursued it.
You might say I'm a bit of an expert in failed romances. Not to my credit, to be sure, but - like anyone not in the situation, the symptoms, the outcome, is apparent.
I talk to him. I tell him there's no way she'll ever recant the lies she's told her family, children, he's doomed. That we've all seen them together, met her., that everything, heck anything he's told us about her is enough to persuade us that it's going nowhere fast.
He's dejected, he's heard this countless times before. Everyone he's told this story to has given him the same answer. But I, I feel specially qualified to address this, I've more experience in failure than anyone can shake a stick at. Truly, no doubt. And this is going nowhere.
I tell him to busy himself with work, if not Telus then here, the restaurant, Not to date, it will put him at her level. Don't talk to her, if you have to because she's called you keep it pleasant but explain you're busy and have to go. Easy advice to give, but damned tough to follow.
Give up her passwords, let her know he has them, let her change them, obsessively stalking her is a bad thing. Damn I know that one.
And keep busy. With work, the church, things important to him. In time - how much? I can't say. Years even. But in time she'll disappear. Meanwhile I just want to hug him, tell him he's a good, no - a great guy, and one day he'll find someone who appreciates him.